And, finally, I looked for the closest thing that was:

• Not glossy
• Solid surface
• Simple shapes (i.e. more smooth surface than contoured)

Three scans later and this is the result.

It looks better than most, sure. But it still looks terrible. The whole point is to quickly scan items in that we can build agains and modify. The scans I'm getting aren't even close to what I would use for a recreational project, let alone professional works.

Yes, it's cool.
Yes, it produces a 3D scan of an object.
No, this does not produce data that I could use professionally.